I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
