Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
