i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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