I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
