He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
