he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
