No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
