I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
