I like to think it a success when the cops are called
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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