What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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