You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
