Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
