Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
