Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
