i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
