i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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