They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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