The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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