careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
last night I used snow as a chaser
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
