Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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