You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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