and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
