You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
