Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
