guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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