So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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