Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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