The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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