The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
someone owes me an orgasm
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
