wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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