whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
