wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
