I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
