I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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