was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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