shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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