I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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