I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
