I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
