I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
