So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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