Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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