even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
