Soap is not a condiment
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
