Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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