i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
