Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have fence marks all over my body
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
