a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
