I wish I could punch you in the face.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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