sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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