I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
