There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
