When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
