is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
