Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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