I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
