i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
