Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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