why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
