the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
