Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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