he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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