Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
