Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
