do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
