he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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