no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
