the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
