He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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