You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
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pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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