dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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