Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
