After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
