Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
