Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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