so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
