Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
