I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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