dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
