My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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